Are You a Leader Worth Following? (Part 3)

The second model of leadership we want to consider is the kind of leadership modeled in history by such figures as Jesus of Nazareth, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi of India, Martin Luther King, Jr., and the most wonderful school teachers you remember from childhood. adult single chat

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It is difficult to label this leadership model. It might even be better to describe it than try to label it. On the other hand, if you just have to call it something, you will need a hyphen to do it. The best term for this kind of leadership is servant-leadership. Now that we have labeled it, we will need to describe it in order to understand what it means.

On the surface of it the word before the hyphen and the one after it seem to be oxymoronic because taken as a whole the term doesn’t seem to make any sense. Can someone be both a servant and a leader at once? Aren’t they opposites? If you are thinking about the relationships created in the first model of leadership that we have already explored, they certainly would be. So, how can we make sense of this seeming contradiction? These are really good and deserve serious answers. Arriving at those answers will require a look into what is sometimes called human nature.

Let’s begin by asking ourselves just what are human relationships based on. Let’s use this exercise to help find an answer. First, think of a person you know that you love, admire, or respect and who has had some kind of influence in your life. For the purpose of our exercise, limit this to someone you know personally either now or in the past. It could be your spouse or other family member. It could be a present or past work supervisor or possibly a pastor or rabbi. It could be a close friend or someone from your past like a teacher who had great influence over you. Have you got someone in mind?

Now that you’re thinking of someone, the next step is to consider what it is about that person that makes him or her so memorable. I’ll prime the pump a bit by asking a series of questions. Your job is to think of answers which apply to the person you are thinking about. As you think of this person, what is his or her attitude toward you? How does that make you feel? Would you describe this person using words and phrases such as: generous, always giving of himself or herself, persuasive without being condescending, powerful but humble, a good listener, teachable, considerate of your opinions and ideas even if your opinion and his are vastly different, a person who knows himself or herself well, a person who is “comfortable in his own skin”? You might want to take a minute here to write your special person’s name on paper and jot down whichever of these phases apply. Perhaps there are other phrases you could add too.

The next step in the exercise is to answer this question? You say that you truly love, admire or respect this special person, why is that so? This is a little more difficult because it requires some introspection. I’ll prime the pump again. Does your special person make you feel valued or important or that you matter as a person to him or her? When you do something for or with your special person, do you feel affirmed or respected by him or her? Here’s a tough one. What happens when you fail at a task, or make a mistake, or do something wrong or hurtful or just plain stupid? Does that permanently alter this person’s feelings toward you? Think about or write down your answers to these questions.

The final step of our exercise is to answer these questions. Does the way this person treats you affect your own actions or feelings toward him or her? Many people would answer this question in the affirmative. It can cause us to feel either love, loyalty, respect, admiration or devotion, or some combination of these for the other person. Now, here is the very last question. If someone makes you feel valued, important and affirmed, wouldn’t it be a pleasure to follow such a person willingly? Once again, the most common answer is “Yes.”

So, what conclusion can we come to from this exercise? And how can we reconcile the concepts of leadership and servanthood so that the fit together in the same person? It’s all a matter of attitude. If a person leads from an attitude characterized by the things we have spoken of here (respect for those he leads, humility, honesty, a strong sense of self, etc.), then followers will willingly follow him gladly. Why is that so?

No one can make you love him. No one can demand that you admire him or give him respect. Those things have to be earned by the leader and granted by the follower. Can you imagine the servant-leader saying anything like this? “Respect me or else! Look what I’ve done for you. You HAVE to love me!” What an absurd notion! Anyone who makes such demands is a tyrant.

Now, what’s the take away from all this? Examine your own leadership style. How do you approach those who follow you? Are you aware of their needs? Do you affirm what they do well and respect them as persons? Go back to the list of characteristics of the servant-leader. This time jot down how many of them describe YOU. If you were to ask those who follow you to do this exercise, would they agree about what kind of leader you are? (Try it out!)

Are you REALLY a leader worth following? You’ll have to answer that yourself. The leader worth following is one who is a servant of those he is leading.

Online Dating – How to Become Successful at Meeting Singles Online

If you are single, you have no doubt realized the difficulty of obtaining quality material and advice on online dating. Site’s that boast “Dating tips”, “Profile Assessments”, and “Dating Experts”, astound us with their infinite suggestions on being single and successful at dating online, but leave us looking incredulously at their unrealistic point of view. There are good tips to be had, but at times most of us need real inspiration from real single people.

Dating online takes time and patience – it does NOT come quickly.

So… now that you signed up, what comes next? You completed your profile, repeatedly checked your spelling, thoughtfully wrote out your life’s autobiography, posted one of your best photos and are waiting for your matches to fill your inbox… wait, that was 3 months ago!

So why is your inbox not flooded with prospective Soulmates? Online dating takes time and patience. Being without defect and lacking nothing essential to the whole; your perfectly created, newly posted profile is floating in a digital sea of other members with profile perfectionism. Just because you are listed in the directory, does not mean that anyone HAS to email or chat with you. As with anything else in life, if you want results YOU must take the initiative. Actively seek to contact those you are interested in. Technology can do many things, but even in this medium of online dating, social interaction is still left in our own hands.

Tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. When accessing online dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and discourage those who are not.

When utilizing the dating services send well constructed opening greetings to people you are attracted to. What makes for a busy and productive online dating experience? Being kind and polite to everyone, have a good friend’s list and utilize the email and messaging tools provided frequently. In other words, be confident and willing to use all of the communication tools at your disposal.

I have added some basics to help you out:

o Complete your profile f-u-l-l-y. There is no bigger turn off than browsing a members profile only to find a very thoughtfully written “ask me later” statement.

Okay, so you just joined to see if you would receive any responses and thought you would fill out your profile in more detail later, but in order to generate interest you have to attract someone first! Your prospective match wants to read about you this minute, not 3 weeks from now – by that time they lost interest in your profile and went on to profile #85 that took the time to be creative. Being enigmatic is not an attractive quality in online dating. An incomplete profile is the equivalent to sending a blank resume to a prospective employer – they both get trashed. So…be informative, be complete, be thorough, and above all… creative.

o Post a picture. Members with photos, are much more likely to receive replies than members without any photo image attached to their profile. Try to post more than one if you can, but even one photo is better than not having one at all. People like to know who they are communicating with, especially when viewing Personals, and especially when they have displayed their photo to you. People feel more confident and comfortable chatting with someone who is willing to show their face. Believe me; any photo is far better than none at all.

o Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than a year old) and that you look happy. If they are not fairly recent then make sure you look the same. If your photo was taken when you were 25 and you are now 35, you are not only fooling others but also yourself. This is not to say that you shouldn’t put a little effort into making your photo the best it can be. There are several sites that also help you achieve the best photos to place on your profile. But in the end, online dating is not generally about looks, its about honesty.

o You may have had a bad previous dating experience, but don’t write a soliloquy on how it ruined your outlook – this will have the effect of making your prospective match look elsewhere. You do want to be honest in what your are looking for in someone and what are turn offs for you in a future relationship… But don’t list them in such a way where you are turning dating into a job interview… and don’t suppress or hide things that are part of who you are.

o Don’t use swear words on your profile. They are generally offensive and really do turn people off.

o When dating online, the main focus is keeping everything truthful. This does not mean dwelling on the fact that you haven’t any friends or dates will win you new prospects. You must accentuate your best characteristics, emphasizing that you are a true individual with unique genuine properties. Small things shouldn’t matter and often don’t, but misleading someone does!

Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online dating sites and dating services. Think optimistic, and have fun!

Sandra

Copyright 2005 Sandra Phillips All Rights Reserved

Tattoo Bias and Economies of Thought

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” Martin Luther King Jr.

The term ‘triad’ is said to have been coined by the British after assuming control of the colony. The name was derived from the traditional Chinese triangle iconography used by the gangs signifying the unity between heaven, earth and man. And even most Hong Kong triad groups still have their roots strongly in Mainland China. Throughout the 19th and 20th century the triads’ presence in Hong Kong grew alongside the territory’s reputation as an international business and shipping hub. Like any industry, the triad groups were separated by area of specialty and geographical location. There are still many active groups throughout both Mainland China and Hong Kong. It was just in 1993 that the notorious 6 acre ‘Walled City’, boasting a population of 33,000 under triad rule, was demolished. Today the number of active members in each of the top groups is estimated to range between 20,000 and 100,000+.

The two most recognizable forms in triad tattoos are the dragon and the phoenix. These generally aggressive images work in tandem within the mythology. The dragon image is held to signify the ‘yang’ or dark side of the ‘yin-yang’ balance. Far from a beast to be feared or hunted as in Western mythology, the Chinese dragon traditionally symbolized good luck, power and control over various elements. Of these traits power is the most common reason behind the acquisition of dragon tattoos. On the other side is the ‘light’ or ‘yin’ element represented by the phoenix. A fire bird consistently reborn from the ashes, the phoenix symbolizes regeneration. And to that extent the phoenix also stands for a kind of power over the mortal coil. Again, the dragon and phoenix are the most recognizable pairing in triad tattoos. The other combination is the dragon and tiger. The reason for this second grouping derives from a variety of cultural sources including particular etymology of local dialects, myths behind famous Chinese leaders as well as the perceived internal struggle between the inclination towards good or bad (with each animal representing a distinct proclivity).

The use of these images and mythology by triad members is not in question. Many triad members will have such tattoos. However, the mistaken belief is that these tattoos are used by the triad organizations themselves. Any broad categorizations of those who wear these tattoos automatically being a triad member of any repute are deeply inaccurate. The subtle differentiation being that those who publically display these tattoos are either a separate class of triad members or simply tattooed individuals.

Generally speaking there are two types of triads. The first is locally referred to as a ‘troublemaker’, the ‘young and dangerous’ type. These ‘troublemakers’ are generally concerned with street squabbles over territory, drugs, petty crime and intimidation. Due to their public profile and propensity for display, this type receives the most attention. The second type is colloquially referred to as the ‘black-band’ society. Much like any major crime organization their ranks are controlled with militarily precision and its members can be professionals from a variety of fields. Throughout the largest groups lawyers, bankers, business owners, politicians and policeman can be included in this second category. There are two rules governing the second type, to never cause trouble and to never be identified as a member. The gang’s income and business structures require the preservation of a status-quo. To upset this through any petty crime, unauthorized intimidation or showboating would be short sighted and absolutely detrimental to operations. The first type has allowed for the current negative stereotyping of the tattooed in Hong Kong. They have a propensity for very large tattoos yet, due to limited financial means, will usually only complete the outline of the piece. The second type, should they have any tattoos, would not display them in the same way. At an organizational level, leaders of various fractions will not allow followers to be tattooed. Such tattoos would draw too much attention whilst allowing for immediate identification. In a business where anonymity and discrete operations are of primary importance it would be wrong to assume that there is some displayed, physical method of membership categorization.

The idea of an economy of thought is simple, it is a mental shortcut. If one was passed by three people on the street and then asked to describe who passed, answers are most commonly economies of thought. A response could be “Two guys and a girl passed by”. Another could be “Two business men and a woman walked by”, and so on. From personal grooming, types of clothing and even their stride; a plethora of readily available information is frequently overlooked. Due to the sheer amount of information we are exposed to on a daily basis it very rarely serves any purpose to go into further detail than this. And in the absence of any extenuating circumstance, for the everyday person much of this information would indeed be useless to retain. One’s more complete attention is devoted to the environmental aspects that are of immediate concern or use. Economies of thought serve multiple purposes and allow for speedy navigation of modern day life. Yet if these economies of thought are taken as inherent truths they form the foundation for most every type of discrimination.

To racially profile, judge, dismiss or otherwise unfairly discriminate is to uphold an ill-formed economy of thought. A striking example of this being the ‘Craniometry’ and ‘Eugenics’ movements most famously employed by the Nazi’s. These supposed ‘sciences’ consisted of taking physical measurements of various body parts. The subsequent ratios between the measured sections were then said to indicate the subjects’ value as a human being. So the length and shape of one’s nose could be used as evidence of intrinsic inferiority or cognitive capacity. Again, an ill-formed economy of thought enables discrimination as investigation or genuine understanding of the facts is rendered unnecessary. This mental process (or lack thereof) with varying levels of complexity and specific cultural pressure applies to all racial profiling, stereotyping and prejudice.

To move out of the somewhat morbidly extreme nature of the previous example, general economies of thought are applied to most every aspect of life. These are internal defense mechanisms that allow for rapid categorization of the information saturated world we are part of. And not to reduce this logic to the Socratic line of continual investigation ending in the admittance we actually know nothing with certainty, mental economies of thought are comparatively topical shortcuts. Much like the snap judgment of someone’s supposed indicated wealth through a subjective calculation of the price of their clothing, the shortcuts in question here are ones that can be reduced or removed entirely with minimal effort.

To see that public displays of dragon and phoenix tattoos do not necessarily indicate a true inclination or connection to organized crime is a novel concept to many. As with any behavior, extreme actions are of course rightfully questionable. Yet tattoo art, in and of itself, can be an art form collected by the most educated and trustworthy people across the globe. To know that there are tattoos and on the other end of the spectrum there is tattoo art will allow for new, slightly more accurate mental economies of thought to develop. To automatically fear, discriminate or dismiss the tattooed would be allowing ill-formed economies of thought to grow and negative stereotypes to propagate. In a world where the rate of tattoo adoption is growing exponentially, we must understand that when properly performed tattoo art can be as varied, complex, beautiful and as detailed as the people who wear it.

How to Get Back to Your Ex

This article is on how to get your ex back. If you have recently broken up with someone that you are still in love with and would like to get back it can be a hard process and often times we do not know how to handle doing this. It is important to have a few tips as our first instinct is to follow our emotions which can be irrational and more of a confrontational situation than a good one.

The first thing you are going to need to think about is why you both had even broken up. There are a lot of reasons that this could happen. Some people do this amicably due to various reasons such as a move or some problems that arise through out our lives. Then there are the reasons that you need to consider that are not so great. You won’t want to know how to get your ex back if he abused you in absolutely any way shape or form. Whether it was verbal or physical, you are going to need to work on yourself and learn how to move on from that because you will find someone that will treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.

Now onto the magic of getting him back. This how to get back your ex. You are going to need to be the same person that he had gotten into. This means that you need to think about how you have changed over the time you were together. Go back to being that girl that he really loved. It is always good to be happy and fun to be around when trying to remind him of all of the good times.

Please try to refrain from completely losing it on him when you two break up. Do not say words that you are not going to be able to take back and do not beg. Begging pretty much cements their reasoning for leaving in the first place. Going completely insane will not help you in your cause. Use information that you have acquired over the time you were together. Talk about some really great times, wear his favorite outfit, and try to tap into his nostalgia.

Shoot him an e-mail or text letting him know that you had seen something or done something that reminded you of him. Just ask how he is doing and try some safe small talk. These are just a few ways on how to get your ex back.

Natural Gas: The Cleanest Of All The Fossil Fuels

Did you know that Jet Planes may soon be running on coal. Liquid fuel derived from coal may very well replace jet fuel in the future. Unlike conventional fuel, these coal derivatives do not lead to the formation of coke, a solid residue that can plug fuel systems and cause engine failure. the fuel can also withstand temperatures as high as 500 degrees Celsius, making it possible to operate planes at even greater speeds. And since its reserve are more abundant, this fuel also promises to be around for a much longer.

Natural Gas, composed mainly of methane is the cleanest of all the fossil fuels. Its complete combustion releases only carbon dioxide and water vapor, unlike coal and oil which release pollutants such as nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide, soot and sulfur dioxide. Its impact on the environment is therefore very minimal, making it a very good energy source. When an oil reservoir is discovered, some natural gas is usually found on top or dissolved within the oil. This is known as associated gas.

Natural Gas found with oil used to be considered an undesirable gas and was disposed of by burning. However, improvements in pipe technology made it possible to transport gas over large distances. This made natural gas more attractive as an energy resource.

Like other fossil fuels, natural gas is usually burned to provide steam for turbine generators power plants. Because it produces some pollutants when it is burned, other applications are also being explored. In the temperate countries, it is used for central heating. It is also liquefied to serve as an alternative fuel for vehicles.

Natural Gas is the most environment friendly fossil fuel, releasing only carbon dioxide and water upon combustion. It is used to significantly cut our oil consumption. This advancement increase greatly the number or the extent to which it is used. Natural Gas as an alternative fuel for vehicles significantly reduces greenhouse gas emissions and thereby achieve overall cost savings.

The necessity demands the extensive exploration of our energy sources to fills the gap of modernization. Because of this, the environment being directly affected is now becoming a dump site. Using Biofuel, Flex Fuel, Full Electric and Hybrid as an alternative fuel are but few ways of restoring our potentially losing environment and at the same time availing total maintenance cost.

Because of its efficient use, it is becoming widely accepted as an alternative fuel for vehicles.

Advice On How to Sing Harmony

There is a lot more that goes into singing harmony than just a good voice. As a matter of fact singing is in itself a difficult art form but singing harmony can indeed be quite tough. One group that has almost perfected the art of singing harmony is Il Devo. So if you are wondering about how to sing harmony you should buy some of their music and try to understand the finer points of harmonizing. The first step is of course to gain mastery over your own voice. Once you have done this you should be able to sing along with melody. The next step would be to try and blend your voice with that of another singer and learn to sing in harmony. There are several techniques and exercises that you can incorporate that will help you to learn how to sing harmony.

The first step to harmonizing lies in understanding the vocal pat that suits your voice the best. The usual male vocal parts are Tenor and Bass while the female vocal parts are Alto or Soprano. These are the higher and lower vocal ranges for the male and female voices respectively. The best and the easiest way to determine which part suits you the best is to try to sing a few scales or perform a few exercises.

Many groups that sing harmony will have specific vocal parts for each group member for instance one group member will sing melody while the other harmonises making them sound richer. If you are new to harmonizing and don’t know how to sing harmony you and your group can use the help of a musical instrument like a piano or keyboard to play the individual notes. If you have four members in your group you can play 4 notes and then synchronize them. Since each member is responsible for one of the notes, playing it on the keyboard will give each singer a cue. If the four notes blend well you have created harmony.

Here are few tips on how to sing harmony

It is important to first know the basic scale before you attempt to sing harmony. If you learn the lead part first, singing harmony will be easier.

Always use a musical instrument like a piano or keyboard as mentioned above so that you can hear and identify the notes that you will be singing. Try to sing the scale to melody before trying to sing the notes out of scale order.

Try to involve another person who knows the harmony of a particular piece well. He/ She will be able to help you to learn to recognize the notes and the melody that complement a particular theme.

Learn to hear and recognize the dissonance and resonance within the music. If you are singing harmony correctly you will be able to hear a distinct vibration with the sound. Any discord in harmony is very conspicuous and you will be able to point it out easily once you have trained your ears to do so.

Start by singing the notes in the lead or main part and once you have accomplished this move on to the chord above and below the main part. Know that the lower chord or the baritone part is often the most difficult because it will not sound like a tune on its own since it has a strange succession of chords.

Pressures of Avoiding Rejection From Women

Here is the interesting thing about men who attempt to avoid rejection from women; the moment they find themselves interacting with a woman, the pressure in their mind is much greater than the reality of the situation warrants.

In addition, thanks to their desire to avoid rejection, they also find themselves with fewer options than they should have in the situation.

Your desire to avoid rejection makes the few interactions you do have with a woman “one shot” deals and when you take that shot and miss instead of learning from it and moving on, you find yourself attempting a do over with her, at least in your mind.

After all, this attempt was an accident and a mistake because she rejected you and in your mind rejection didn’t seem likely. Or maybe it did, but you thought you would try anyway and you failed.

Now, your desire to avoid rejection has you chasing a woman who rejected you because to have her withdrawal her rejection is the only way that you can avoid rejection with her.

Consciously, this makes no sense at all, but still happens quite often to men who are attempting to avoid rejection simply because the mind is great at getting what it wants.

Unfortunately, since you have no control over what a woman wants, once a woman rejects you there isn’t much of anything you can do to make her change her mind.

Which is why avoiding rejection from women is crazy and chasing a woman after she rejects you is insane.

Of course, this also might be part of the reason why you feel so much pressure to succeed with this one particular woman when you focus on avoiding rejection from women.

Is the Craze for Class Car Shows Cruising Back Into Common Popularity?

After the future economic recession in 2008 everyone was trying to figure out where to put their money. Many believed that stocks would return, but not right away, and indeed it was a good six months until it actual bottom, even after the global economic crash. Others said that you should buy oil futures, but oil was low for quite a while, and it’s not so easy to buy oil futures three years out. Some people said to buy gold and silver, and perhaps that might’ve been a decent play in hindsight.

Indeed, at the time I joked around with some friends of mine at the local club house, and I said what they should do is go buy classic cars which were not selling very well at the auto auctions, and pick them up for peanuts, and then put them in special climate sensitive storage, until the market returned in 4-years. Well, the classic car market is cruising right along now, and the prices are coming back up rather quickly, along with the entire used-car market even for regular cars.

There was an interesting piece recently in my local newspaper, The Desert Sun on May 31, 2011 titled “Car Show Organizers in La Quinta Say Attendance Was Up This Year” by Sonya English. The article noted that over 7,000 people showed up for the local show, when only 4,800 (approximate) showed last year, and 3,000 folks came from outside the area, meaning they traveled a ways to get to it.

Also, recently I’ve noted a slight uptick in prices being fetched at classic car auto auctions as well. About three weeks ago I talked to a lady who has retired from the classic car show circuit, and her and her husband had put on many car shows not only where I live here in California, but also in many other states. Although she is retired now, she said she might get back into the business because things are starting to look better.

For those who did buy classic cars when the market was at the rock bottom, those prices have almost recovered 50%, and mind you it’s only been three years, and they probably have another 50% to go. Although it may be too late to get into the classic car market now, that is if you want to get something for a song, 100% return on your money in four-years would have been quite nice.

And judging by the increased attendance at the local car show, and some of the attendance figures I’ve been looking at throughout the country recently, that indeed would’ve been a very safe place to put your money after the economic crash. After all, at the time the stock market was no good, real estate still hasn’t fully recovered in all markets, and there weren’t a lot of choices remember? Indeed I hope you will please consider all this and think on it.

This Is The Nature Of The Beasts And Demons Of Life

Life is hard at times, and easy at other times, in that order. Sure, we win to the extent we sell out, some think, out of fear of the beasts and demons that life throws at us. Actually we make them ourselves and I can tell you how. When we inflate things worse than they are, that is one way we make the beast, the beast or demons into irritating demons. When we eliminate fear at all levels and claim our genuine power, that is seemingly hard and horrifying until it is done. After it is done, the next level is made and the next collection of beasts and demons get easier and easier until we have won and control the game.

So, let me give an analogy: Once I played a video game of Pac-Man on June twelfth, nineteen eighty three, and this game was memorable, because I made it to the final level of the game where the ghosts reflexes were almost as fast as mine, and the pretzel was worth one hundred thousand points. Life can be just like that game of Pac-Man at a certain level, a little more complex and complicated, but you go from level to level the same way until you master the whole game, not necessarily stopping playing but takes those skills and do more with them. I do not know, master Centipede and Asteroids also, like you can master other beasts, demons, and areas of life. I mastered Centipede and Asteroids also, but that is not the point of this analogy. The point of this analogy is that life is a game type illusion that can be easily mastered and won over when you really look at it logically, honestly, objectively and realistically and act with it the same way. The demons and beasts can become small and even become nothing and you can honestly say “send me another round, I am a winner!”

Sure, what I am saying about this seems a little extreme, but it is the purest reality of the situation I can or will give you. Desperation makes things seem extreme, but when you come to yourself and your power, you or anyone, including myself realize that everything is easy to win no matter what it rationally takes. Even winning baseball, basketball or any sport is the same way. So it is with life and existence itself. Thank you for reading.

Online Dating – Six Ways to Protect Your Privacy in Cyberspace

Online dating is becoming more and more mainstream, as people from all walks of life plug in and find their soul mate in cyberspace. Here are six tips to finding that special someone while still maintaining your privacy and safety online.

1. Avoid large, public chat rooms where anything can (and does!) take place. Some people frequent these areas just to see what they can get away with. Instead, focus on smaller, more targeted web sites or chat rooms that match your interests or lifestyle. There are many online dating sites that cater to specific hobbies and several offer free trial memberships.

2. When you find a chat room, dating site, or forum that matches your interest, introduce yourself with only as much information as you feel comfortable giving. Don’t plaster your phone number, address or any other personal information on the site. Wait until you meet someone with whom you truly “click” and have spoken to them for awhile. Common sense and that “gut feeling” are great indicators for when something just doesn’t seem quite right.

3. Participate in the forum or chat room regularly. Keep it “low-key” until you start forming friendships with the regular members there. Be honest, and be yourself – after all, being natural is what will endear you to a particular mate.

4. Keep your correspondence limited to e-mail and chat until you get to know the person well enough to feel comfortable sharing your phone number and talking for the first time. If you need a good ice-breaker, start off the chat by talking about the forum or chat room where you met and any special interests that brought you two together.

5. If you decide to meet each other in person, choose a neutral, public place. You may even choose a town or city that’s not the same as the one where you live. Restaurants, parks, theaters and other public places where people gather often are a good place to start. Alternately, you could choose to attend a special event in your area together, perhaps a concert, festival or fair. Either way, let friends or family know where you’re going and who you’re going with, as well as what time you’ll be returning so they’ll know how and where to reach you.

6. If you’re interested in a few online “matches” that come your way, consider setting up a post office box and a free e-mail account to share information with each other. That way, if you come to find that you really don’t “click” with this person, you won’t feel as if you’ve given any personal contact information away.

If you follow these six tips, chances are you’ll have a great time with your cyber date. Remember to be honest and be yourself! If you do, chances are that you’ll find that perfect special someone who enjoys you for who you are!