The second model of leadership we want to consider is the kind of leadership modeled in history by such figures as Jesus of Nazareth, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi of India, Martin Luther King, Jr., and the most wonderful school teachers you remember from childhood. adult single chat
It is difficult to label this leadership model. It might even be better to describe it than try to label it. On the other hand, if you just have to call it something, you will need a hyphen to do it. The best term for this kind of leadership is servant-leadership. Now that we have labeled it, we will need to describe it in order to understand what it means.
On the surface of it the word before the hyphen and the one after it seem to be oxymoronic because taken as a whole the term doesn’t seem to make any sense. Can someone be both a servant and a leader at once? Aren’t they opposites? If you are thinking about the relationships created in the first model of leadership that we have already explored, they certainly would be. So, how can we make sense of this seeming contradiction? These are really good and deserve serious answers. Arriving at those answers will require a look into what is sometimes called human nature.
Let’s begin by asking ourselves just what are human relationships based on. Let’s use this exercise to help find an answer. First, think of a person you know that you love, admire, or respect and who has had some kind of influence in your life. For the purpose of our exercise, limit this to someone you know personally either now or in the past. It could be your spouse or other family member. It could be a present or past work supervisor or possibly a pastor or rabbi. It could be a close friend or someone from your past like a teacher who had great influence over you. Have you got someone in mind?
Now that you’re thinking of someone, the next step is to consider what it is about that person that makes him or her so memorable. I’ll prime the pump a bit by asking a series of questions. Your job is to think of answers which apply to the person you are thinking about. As you think of this person, what is his or her attitude toward you? How does that make you feel? Would you describe this person using words and phrases such as: generous, always giving of himself or herself, persuasive without being condescending, powerful but humble, a good listener, teachable, considerate of your opinions and ideas even if your opinion and his are vastly different, a person who knows himself or herself well, a person who is “comfortable in his own skin”? You might want to take a minute here to write your special person’s name on paper and jot down whichever of these phases apply. Perhaps there are other phrases you could add too.
The next step in the exercise is to answer this question? You say that you truly love, admire or respect this special person, why is that so? This is a little more difficult because it requires some introspection. I’ll prime the pump again. Does your special person make you feel valued or important or that you matter as a person to him or her? When you do something for or with your special person, do you feel affirmed or respected by him or her? Here’s a tough one. What happens when you fail at a task, or make a mistake, or do something wrong or hurtful or just plain stupid? Does that permanently alter this person’s feelings toward you? Think about or write down your answers to these questions.
The final step of our exercise is to answer these questions. Does the way this person treats you affect your own actions or feelings toward him or her? Many people would answer this question in the affirmative. It can cause us to feel either love, loyalty, respect, admiration or devotion, or some combination of these for the other person. Now, here is the very last question. If someone makes you feel valued, important and affirmed, wouldn’t it be a pleasure to follow such a person willingly? Once again, the most common answer is “Yes.”
So, what conclusion can we come to from this exercise? And how can we reconcile the concepts of leadership and servanthood so that the fit together in the same person? It’s all a matter of attitude. If a person leads from an attitude characterized by the things we have spoken of here (respect for those he leads, humility, honesty, a strong sense of self, etc.), then followers will willingly follow him gladly. Why is that so?
No one can make you love him. No one can demand that you admire him or give him respect. Those things have to be earned by the leader and granted by the follower. Can you imagine the servant-leader saying anything like this? “Respect me or else! Look what I’ve done for you. You HAVE to love me!” What an absurd notion! Anyone who makes such demands is a tyrant.
Now, what’s the take away from all this? Examine your own leadership style. How do you approach those who follow you? Are you aware of their needs? Do you affirm what they do well and respect them as persons? Go back to the list of characteristics of the servant-leader. This time jot down how many of them describe YOU. If you were to ask those who follow you to do this exercise, would they agree about what kind of leader you are? (Try it out!)
Are you REALLY a leader worth following? You’ll have to answer that yourself. The leader worth following is one who is a servant of those he is leading.